hogaya ,,,,,

hogaya ...hogaya ...lekin ghalat shaks say ...
so he needs a surgery, for a tumor, but his medical condition doesnt allow..risks very high....but he goes through with it, he asks for an article, to which no one has access , i get it for him.,He goes into surgery ,im at home...anxious, not making obvious to the people around me,I keep asking my friend at the hospital about any updates....."he just went into surgery ,they cant control the bleeding , hemeostasis is becoming difficult, 4o mins left in surgery. he is in recovery but in a lot of pain "
Knowing the family didnt arrpove of me being there, very obvious by the expressions on their faces, i still decided to go , I went in to the ICU, alone ,the first time, i asked the nurse where he was, she directed me to the room in the corner, i went in ......and there he was....... I stopped breathing, my heart stopped beating , my insides turned, i felt nauseated,,,,that moment .,,,,that moment I realized ......i realized this was it .......it was something different , never ever experienced .....nothing mattered.....nothing did ....I didnt want to lose him....my heart ached so much , everything around me disappeared , it was just me and him.....he was unconscious.,..I was so scared.....I stood far from him......I was so scared, that I would break down if I went near, which I diodnt want to do under the watchful eyes of his brother,,,I stepped back and walked out of the room , thne one by one my other family memebers went to see him , as i waited outside in the corridor, they came back and gathered outside and got engaged in their conversations abt politics, the brother inclusive....but I was stood still comprehending wht I had felt....understanding wht had just happened.....
hogaya .....mujhe hogaya,,,,
lekin yeh ghalt hay , this is wrong.....its so wrong....so I decided now to stay away , stay away completely....no visits, no calls no texts..... nothing...i have to do this for me...this will be very destructive.....bahut kharab hoga....i cant encourage this....its wrong,,,because im a different girl now....i have different commitments....i have a different life to live now.... I cant have anything...no ...
lekin hona tha to hogaya ....